Autographs

After a hard days work I was walking to the bus when I spotted the actor who plays Mitchell in Modern Family and asked for his autograph for Mark's Dad.

Matrix for Idiots

I was a character in a world that was a cross between the movies Idiocracy and The Matrix. I know this because part of the way through I realised what movies I was dreaming about. I was in a town that looked normal, but it was years in the future. The only things I could find to eat were chips in a vending machine that had been there for years because noone could prepare food. Even most vending machines were empty because noone knew how to refill them.

A guy in a suit started following me so I jumped in a car with someone I knew and we drove to the hills. We stopped at a lovely old farmhouse and I took a shower to get rid of the stench of the city, but the suit guy found us again and we had to climb out a window and get back in the car.

He morphed through the wall to get to us and I started laughing and lost the dream.

Potions and Holograms

With some urgency I locked myself in my small medieval alchemy lab which had a sleeping pallet to one side and turned to a strange contraption. A hologram of a wizard appeared and he started giving me instructions. In the final step he held out his hands and I took a fine red powder which I added to my brew. I'd done it! I'd created a gingerbread drink!! It was delicious and then I went to sleep.

Icky Battlefield Part 2

If you haven’t already, please read Part 1

Tomorrow we will be forming up ranks in front of the castle in the distance. But first, there is something about that building in the middle which is surrounded by trees. Something not quite right... Where is Rand?

I go to the building and everything is eerily quiet. I carefully open the door and sneak inside. The corridor is winding and there are no doors or entrances until the other end. A heavy wooden door is ajar so I slip through into a small workshop. There is a small catapult that needs oiling and a cement ball, freshly cast, that needs the burrs removed. As quietly as possible I do these things.

I hear a sound from beyond the door and for the first time notice a second door out of this room too. It sounds like Rand is talking to someone... Aughra! And they’re coming this way... but then they stop and a secret door opens in the wall. This isn’t good... I go through the second door and make my way back to the barracks, taking the catapult equipment with me (somehow). After describing what happened we decide instead that the real war will be focused on that small building, and we will strike tonight instead, hopefully before Rand is turned into an Icky.

New end!

Icky Battlefield Part 1

I was forming up ranks of troops. We were in a siege with a castle, hoping our magic users would tip the scales and allow us to defeat the hell spawn.

"I'm not going to be much use on the outer edge." I say to my second. "Keep the pressure on. Don't break unless you see the signal, then retreat as if the devil himself is on your tail..." (cause he probably will be)

I make my way back to the centre of the battlefield and a cheer goes up. On the edge of the disfigured creatures we can see peering over the edge of the castle battlements we spot a push from human figures and the Queen's short raven black hair is seen leading a skirmish among the monsters. The cheer is short lived as she herself draws the first arrow and looses it among our troops. She is but a puppet on a string, being used to crush our moral.

"Whatever is controlling her has to be close..." I mutter and a soldier nearby points over his shoulder and says "Maybe they're in there sir." I notice for the first time an area of dense forest directly behind us and make my way to it bringing the soldier for backup.

The forest, while black from the outside is surprisingly open once we hold aside a few branches. Something moves in a far corner and I shine my torch on it. It is the size of a medium dog and its many scuttling black legs allow it to move with surprising speed and it is quickly upon us. I have time to reach my dagger and take a couple of swipes at it. The soldier does the same, but loses his footing and sits down hard. Its strangely humanoid face is distorted in a scream and I recognise it as a thing called an "Icky"... it scuttles to the soldier, clawing at his pants. I take another swipe at its legs and then stab it in the eye. It squeals and takes off through the gap in the branches out to the soldiers. "Someone stop that thing! Stop the Icky!" I yell running after it, but most recoil in horror or make only cursory attempts to attack it.

It stops in front of one of the magic users who bends down and picks it up. It snuggles into his arm. "What are you doing? That thing attacked us!" I say.

"This is Rand." Says the magic user. (Yes, as in the Rand from Wheel of Time series)

"What?! How can that be?" I exclaim. "Shit... that means..." I run back to the forest opening.

I grab the soldier who is still sitting on the ground in shock and pull him out of the way then shine the torch around. To the left on a platform above us is Aughra (yep, Dark Crystal reference) and Ishmael. Aughra cackles evilly then they disappear.

It seems as though we won’t be winning this war...

Falling Down Syndrome

I can't remember what I was doing, but a man appeared yelling at me and trying to grab me so I kicked him in the balls and ran off. (A perfectly natural reaction since I was only about 10 years old in this dream)

I kept falling over and a woman videotaped me on her camera phone, but my older brother saw her and grabbed her phone. She demanded it back so he threw it hard on the ground and we heard and audible crack. He helped me up and we walked to his house. I was holding his hand, and I fell over a couple more times.

When we got to his house I noticed the back door was open and the creepy man was there. I yelled at my brother "Why would you let him in?" and he said "I'm not really you’re brother." I got confused at this and woke up.

Slow Motion Doorway

I walked past a homeless guy who was arguing with a street busker in the mall and everything turned to slow motion*. I struggled to move one foot in front of the other and noticed the doorway I normally walk through to work was covered over by a bookshelf with dvds on it. Behind that there looked like there was something else, so I decided to climb the bookshelf. Very slowly I made it to the top and there was another bookshelf behind it with books and magazines. Behind that it looked like there was a door I'd never seen before. I began trying to climb over the top of the two shelves when I woke up.

* Slow motion like this generally means I'm on the edge of waking up and forcing myself to stay in the dream. It is like moving through thick mud.

Hitler's Tears

Running for our lives from German soldiers down a corridor we found a doorway to a room and burst through to find a hiding place. There was a pile of cushions and boxes so I decided to try and hide there, but as I turned around I saw we were in Hitler's sitting room and he was there! As the soldiers with guns burst into the room I started throwing cushions at Hitler and he burst into tears.

Suddenly... Houses

I woke up and went to take a shower, then suddenly released the floor tiles were a different colour. I looked up and every tile was different. The tiles were all different sizes and colours and each one had a little house motif on them. Where the shower screen normally is was another wall with a window and outside the window was a little window box with flowers.

Sandy Moments

I ran along a beach for a long time until I got to the MCG and climbed up through a hatch. I'd finally caught up with the others and now we were all underneath the grandstands and there were a lot of spiderwebs. I decided to go back to the beach, but instead found myself in a comic book store but the floor was made of sand.